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But even though the odds might be stacked against women when it comes to happy hook-ups, that doesn’t mean we’re doomed.

Knowing and embracing why hook-ups can leave women feeling crappy is the first step to reversing the curse.

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He’s got 25 in total, arranged carefully on top of a wooden dresser in his Daytona Beach, Florida, bedroom. I say sure, and he starts ripping a piece of paper into small strips, placing them in a row on the dresser. Branden, 25, lives in a one-bedroom in a quiet gated complex 15 minutes from the Daytona shoreline.

The spread — which includes colognes, perfumes, and at least one unisex scent — is expensive, each glass bottle cast in its own sultry shape. He shares the apartment with his long-term partner, Xavier, a long-limbed drug and alcohol counselor and graduate student he met on BGC, a pre-Grindr gay dating app geared toward black men. Hanging by the door, there’s a framed painting of a rainy Paris street. “Everything in my house I bought with my porn money,” Branden tells me.

Satisfying hook-ups are totally possible; they just take more than the right motivation and a sex-positive attitude, so read on to find out the things you need to keep in mind in order to have hook-ups you can feel great about.

– but there are important factors that can make or break a hook-up before even, well, hooking up. Zhana Vrangalova, sex researcher and creator of The Casual Sex Project, knowing yourself is key.

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