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But when I slipped into conversation with a woman from Handy’s customer service department, she told me something surprising.

WILLOUGHBY, OH—Allowing no window whatsoever for additional conversation to take place, the father of local man Luke Asbury reportedly handed off the phone to Luke’s mother on Sunday immediately after his son wished him a happy Father’s Day.

MONTGOMERY, WV—Acknowledging that he has become a real burden on their foraging and nesting activities, a local raccoon family told reporters Tuesday that they are starting to get tired of taking care of their rabid father.

Shelby Cross warns parents that by letting their children trick-or-treat door-to-door in fancy little costumes, they are sending their little ones straight into the greasy arms of waiting sexual predators.

TOLEDO, OH—The end looming closer and closer with each additional meal, the period of time in which local parents Mark and Yasmin Miller could be proud of how much their child can eat was quickly dwindling, sources confirmed Tuesday.

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